55 mph or weeks ??

When people see this sign they think about how fast or slow they can go, setting a pace to follow, keeping within the guide lines set...... in our case it symbolizes how many weeks we have been waiting for a referral. 55 weeks. It's certainly not speeding along. I was keeping track of the number of weeks on my desk calendar and I remember hitting 40 weeks thinking that we should be at our "due date" for being pregnant on paper. That number went by with no referral news. Now anyone involved with an international adoption will tell you to expect a few of these along the way, and we have had a couple......social worker changes, paperwork chases, etc. Hoping we would not see #50, but watched it go by, I was dreading the 52 week mark as it meant a FULL YEAR has gone by. As of this post, we are at 55 weeks of waiting for a referral. The last update I had from our agency, we were told it could take longer, (hope you are sitting) maybe as much as another 12 months, Yes, twelve, months!! Go ahead pick your jaw up, I still can't believe it. I am trying to stay up beat and positive, but some days are really hard. REALLY hard. I keep trying to tell myself I have done this before and our labor pains blessed us with two of the most wonderful children any parent could ask for. This wait is longer than theirs was. I keep telling myself "OK, I can get through this". But it's hard. I have done very, very little retail therapy because I am not sure what to buy. We haven't set up the crib yet, Christopher said it would be too hard to see it empty for now. I have to agree with him.

To explain that I am really trying to be positive, here is a chuckle for you........

The other day, Emily asked me why I looked so down, noticing the frown on my face and the fact I was so quiet. (Those that know me, quiet is not my strong suit, I'm a talker LOL) I explained about the extended time, and she asked me if I wanted any popcorn - my ultimate favorite snack!! Ahh, Comfort food. I told her no thanks, (I'm cooking dinner) and she gave me a hug. Awww, isn't she sweet? Now they say timing is everything.........Christopher and Adam walked in the door, tennis practice finished, and looking for dinner. Emily was setting the table and they asked her what was going on. With out ANY hesitation, she simply replied, "Mom needs Cymbal ta, she's down". The two of them looked at me, total shock on my face.....and then bust out laughing. They already knew about the wait time but she hadn't yet. Emily pulled a classic 'out of the mouths of babes' and Christopher, my dear husband couldn't hold it in. Adam followed. They weren't being insensitive, it was all about the timing and the interpretation of a kid. I told her she wasn't allowed to watch television anymore! Even though I am down about the time frame, I can reassure you that things like this make the day so much better, and easier so that Yes, I can get through this. With out Cymbal ta!!!!!!

On a happy note......Tomorrow I am sending our updated & now current dossier paperwork, including our approved home study (Yea!) to our agency. You never know and Just in case, maybe our newest blessing could be ready for us soon. I want to be (paperwork) ready. And unless our agency gives us a sign like this..........

I will continue to be hopeful that I will see a sign like this really, really soon ............

Thanks for listening to my venting and pity party.......sometimes those that have 'been there and did that' are the ones that can truly understand!!!!

Little girl.... not so Little anymore !

Recently my little girl is trying some new things, and as a mom, you have to let them go and try, learning some life lessons along the way. Not always easy to do. Emily has graduated from things like jumping off the bed, or hanging upside down on the swing set to more "tween" things. I've gotten past the pierced ears, and lately some interesting jewelry. Nothing too crazy, just everything needs to be color coordinated and has to match the color of the day. OK, I'm good so far, remembering this from my own 'growing up'. A few weeks ago I went upstairs to put laundry away, walked past the bathroom and found her trying different shades of eye shadow - they were really bright too. Her explanation for the array of vivid colors, "so people can see them". (My first thought was from space ?? But I kept quiet) I explained that less is usually better with makeup...she was alright with that idea, washed her face and went on to try more colors, browns and tans. OK, still good after that. Mental note to my sister - NO more eye shadow kits for Emily. Her latest idea was all her own and I caught some grief about this, but this was something she wanted to do. Again, letting her try something new.............here is the before shot

She has ALOT of hair and has been growing it like this since she came home, so other than, small trims here and there, this is how long it's gotten in 13 yrs. Absolutely beautiful hair!!!! I always envied her because I loved her long, dark, thick, beautiful hair.......me, I'm the TOTAL opposite of her, blonde hair and blue eyes. Well, HOLD on to your seat, this is what she wanted to try.............not for the weak at heart

My little girl doesn't look so little here !!!! She cut off 11 inches of her hair. She donated it to an organization that uses donated hair to make hair pieces and wigs for cancer patients called Locks of Love. This was all her idea, and as her mom, I can't say enough how proud I am of her. She told me when I asked repeatedly 'Are you sure?" (I guess I needed to be sure more than she did) She told me that she wanted to help someone else, more than she wanted the hair, and her hair would always grow back. All I could do was smile, hold back my tears, hug her and make an appointment to cut her hair. Grandmom wasn't as pleased with Emily's decision, but as a parent, you have to let them try. She looks so grown up !! Christopher and I decided that she cannot combine the eye shadow and this new cut until she is about 25 yrs old. :-) I know this was not an easy decision for her and was tough on me too. So other moms and dads, cherish your little girls while you can ~ because while you are doing laundry, they are growing up really, really, really fast!!!! Hide the make up!!

She has a birthday coming up and has decided she wants a Chinese themed party - so now I am off to search for ideas for a group of girls, just becoming teenagers.....Open to suggestions and ideas.

Catching up !

Ahhh, allergy season. I have been out of blog world for several days....read a few, not much else. I've been sick and really only the 'have to' things were finished. Well, I'm feeling better, so I sent everyone outside to play basketball, even sent the dog outside too, so I could update our blog. Mom took over the computer ! :-)
First, I am feeling better, and Mom is still doing well too. Knock on wood!!
Second, On the Adoption front, we had our last visit with our super awesome SW, she was here last Sunday morning for several hours! Yes, on Sunday. I still can't believe she was here on Sunday. She completed the rough draft and it was emailed to me for review by Monday afternoon. Here's where I dropped the ball....I wasn't feeling well, trying to proof read, and cold medicine kicking in wasn't a good a combination. I did get it finished, and emailed her back. As of Friday afternoon, it was going to the agency for their approval. Yes!! Now if we could only get a referral .......(heavy sigh)
Finally, and I think will really show my age, (don't laugh) but while I was looking for information for the HS & the SW, I came across some dates that I thought were interesting.......so I thought I would share and we could all enjoy a chuckle or gasp.

This is for Adam's adoption ~ adoption application sent in to agency 10-09-93

accepted referral of our handsome little boy 09-13-94

picked up at LaGuardia Airport, NYC HOME!! 01-12-95

adoption finalized in NJ 10-16-95

Cost of I-600A filing with INS (USCIS now) $ 140.00 gasp LOL

and your fingerprints were done at the local police dpt.

*** We waited almost a year for his referral and only 4 months for him to come home. This program was really new when we did this so we were pioneers for Vietnam and still send in yearly updates & pictures via the agency to reassure the government the children are doing well. That is a fun letter to write, free reign to brag

as a proud mom! LOL ***

This is for Emily's adoption ~ adoption application sent in to agency 11-10-95

dossier to China, total of seven sets of everything 08-25-96

letter of delay- restructure of the process 10-05-96

accepted referral of our beautiful daughter 08-12-97

leave for China (normal 4-6 weeks after referral) 09-17-97

placed in my arms in Nanchang, Jiangxi Prov., China 09-23-97

go through customs in WA, fly to PA/NJ HOME !! 10-23-97

adoption finalized in NJ 10-15-98

cost of I-6ooA filing with INS $ 155.00 (not bad increase)

*** We waited 50 weeks for her referral and had only 4 weeks to get packed and last minute things completed. We were delayed in processing of our referral because of the system was beginning to send everything to Beijing for processing. The local government processed your paperwork until this change. The "normal" referral time was "few months" based on what babies were available. I'm not sure how things are processed now. ***

My, how the time lines and the costs have changed!!! We have been waiting for ONE YEAR now and still have nothing to report for update regarding the timeline. Honestly, some days I feel like it is NEVER going to happen. The kids remind me in subtle ways that "when the baby comes home" this or that will change. I try to be positive, but once in a while, it gets hard. I know other families have been waiting as long or longer that we have, I give you credit. Maybe I need a new hobby to help pass the time.

One visit complete - One more to Go!

We had out first visit with our new social worker and she is GREAT!! (Why didn't I call them in the first place 16 months ago I'll never know?? ) It went very well.....we answered all of her questions, including the kids. She answered a few of our own questions. She took notes and added them to the folder she had, full of our life on paper and in pictures. Here's the best part - she makes weekend visits!!! I have never heard of that before. Has anyone ever had weekend visits?? Yes, she will be back over the weekend for our last visit to wrap this up, and hopes to have the first draft sent to our agency by early next week. Someone pinch me! I've found my social worker angel, sent from Heaven and Holt. Thank you !!!

Now if we could only receive a referral.......wishing for a referral, wishing for a referral!

Home Study & Update

It has been a very busy two weeks!! I wasn't sure if I could really get this all finished, but I have addressed or completed every form that our new social worker has asked for, and proudly, in record time! Our biggest hang up was with the doctor's offices - they took the longest to complete their forms. I have already spoken to our social worker (she called over the weekend-can you believe that?) and our first meeting is on Wednesday, in two days! They are moving at an awesome pace to help us get this completed and submitted to our placement agency so we do not skip a beat with Taiwan! I still can't believe that all this happened, and but it is working out so well. I knock on every piece of wood I touch these days! I'm not leaving anything to chance.

Now if we could just get a referral, that would be icing on the cake !!!
Speaking of cake, tomorrow is my husband's birthday.....wouldn't that be an awesome gift if I could tell him,

"Happy Birthday Honey, & Congratulations ~ It's a Boy!"


Ahhh..... to Dream (and hope and pray and cross your fingers and toes and wish on every star)! Imagine the different ways to tell him, on the cake, in a card, on a note wrapped in a box......hmmm.....???? :-)

Homestudy Update~NO! Homestudy DO OVER!

We have some adoption news, not the best, but thankfully we have turned it around, and hopefully this does not affect any other families. I wanted to give a heads up, just in case anyone else is using this agency for a social worker. Now that I've panicked, cried and calmed down, this is long, (sorry about that), but here goes.....

We are waiting for a referral, it has been 48 weeks, or 11 months since we were added to the "Wait List", officially Pregnant on Paper. Our placing (adoption) agency sent an email a few weeks ago, saying it was time to get the home study updated. Figured this was coming because of the extended wait time. No problem. Started calling the social worker. After 6+ messages and several emails, over about two weeks time, I still hadn't gotten any reply, in any form. Worry, panic and a few other emotions started to creep in. I left every possible phone number, and email address I have and still NOTHING! What could be going on ??? Was she on vacation, were her kids sick?? No answer was more stress being added to the existing stressful & bad week I was having....my mom was admitted to the hospital again (emphysema & pneumonia), dealing with the doctors and family updates for her, then two lengthy and involved projects due (a day apart) for the kids, and to make it even more fun, the construction company I work for started to remodel the office, with no place quiet to hide, talk or make calls. I just wanted the SW to call me back and something to go as planned. Nope. Nada. Zip. (heavy sigh)

Our social worker works from a satellite office in NJ but the main office is in Maryland. At the time we used them last year, she took every bit of SIX months to complete our homestudy. (no joke) Comparing other agencies this should have only taken about 6-8 weeks. When I was given this agency's name, I was "cautioned" to 'keep after her, she needs reminders'. This office worked with Taiwan and the placing agency, OK, great. Thought no problem, I work with accounts receivable for a living, so I'm always reminding some one to pay, I can do that. Boy, I had noooo idea how many reminders she needed until it was happening or not happening. So when we were asked to provide an update, I knew I'd better get after her, hoping this doesn't take a long time again. (note: she is a nice person but had outside issues to 'deal ' with that had nothing to do with our homestudy, at that time, once committed & paid, we were at her mercy) After no replies, and a stressful week, I kicked into collection mode and called their main office located in Maryland. I left at least three messages for their executive director. On the last message I think the overload & stress came out by telling them how unprofessional this organization was and I couldn't believe I haven't heard anything back. I also left a desperate, but stern message for the social worker in NJ. Good or bad, please just call me back!! The NJ SW finally called me back, two days after the mean message to the director, telling me she received a call from her boss (about my call). Finally, I thought, progress. The SW proceeded to tell me that she was laid off from her agency approx. 4 weeks ago, but she didn't get to finish or send a list of other agencies to help or to contact. She offered to do a "quickie update, shouldn't take but more than a couple of weeks" if I'd like. Translation, I'm thinking I'm looking at least a month for an update (based on last year).....I didn't think an update should take too long, swell, nothing changed. Here's the best part, then she explained that the main office has decided NOT to renew their license, expiring in June 2008, in NJ. Tears building fast........


So even if I accepted her offer, the homestudy wouldn't be valid for long, nor would she be able to do the post placements once we received a referral. All I wanted to do at this point was cry!!! Tears are coming big time.....So I hid in the conference room, closed the door and cried. Overload set in and it all caught up. About half an hour later, I washed my face, grabbed pen and pencil, and back to the conference room I headed. I called our adoption agency, explained the drama and asked the 'what now?' question. They were great, very supportive and helpful. Home Study DO OVER!


Now armed with the decision that it would be best to find another agency for the homestudy and post placements, and re-assured that we wouldn't loose any time with them for a referral, I made several calls. I couldn't trust this SW anymore and my gut was telling me to RUN! We decided to use Holt International, (the same agency we used for Adam & Emily's adoptions), and felt very good that they weren't going to be closing any time soon. Holt sent me documents to complete via email that afternoon and they were completed and returned ASAP. Don't you just love Fedex!! Our fingerprints (yes, we have to do them over too, they are non-transferable) are updated and submitted too. Hopefully the State of NJ doesn't get too concerned as to WHY we are in the system again and again ! :-) Holt didn't think that getting an update done in a few weeks was a problem, we plan to meet our new social worker, next week. My prayers were answered, Thank you God and Double Amen!!!


My first call to the unreliable SW was on February 16th and I only rec'd ONE return call from her and that was on March 5th. As of today I still haven't gotten a call back from the Executive Director (boss) in Maryland. I'm not expecting to at this point, probably because I put it out there due to overload or honesty. I am shocked that they do business like that. I would have gotten fired if I didn't follow up with my customers !! Who is the wonderful agency you ask (sorry for the sarcasm) ........We used World Child International Adoption, based in Maryland. I am not the kind of person to talk bad about anyone, but I felt that there maybe other families would want to know. An agency cutting back while you are waiting is a horrible thing to deal with. I hope that anyone who is currently using them has a better situation that we did. I cannot speak for everyone associated with this agency, but I feel better that we will not be using this office or SW in NJ.


Now that my tears have dried, my blood pressure has come back down, our new homestudy is underway, my mom is home, doing much better, and the kids projects both received A's, (Awesome job kids!!!) I can honestly say that I have the best husband and family.... they put up with my grumpiness and tears, helped with my mom and helped around the house so together we got through this tough couple of weeks. God answered my prayers by giving me strength and a great family!! I hope that I haven't upset anyone by posting this, because I try not to post anything negative, I guess it was an awareness and venting moment!


I am trying to be optimistic for a referral soon and for final rulings for some other waiting families, saying my prayers, crossing my fingers and toes for Good News Soon!!!


Thanks for listening :-)

PS - At work, the construction is still going strong, up to remodeling the bathrooms now, Dust is everywhere !
Ahhhh, Spring cleaning :-)

Snow ~ 10" of snow !

On a previous post, I talked about the little bit of snow we recently had.......

we really don't get alot of snow here so I thought that was our dose for the season,

Ummmm, NO !

Well I spoke too soon or jinxed myself because this is what we got last Sunday

into Monday morning!

10" of the fluffy white stuff ~ EVERYWHERE!!!

Emily is layered up to stay warm and dry under all those clothes!

I think I will stick to WISHING for SPRING !!

Someone must have heard me because we had a wonderful warm weekend,

perfect tease for SPRING !!!

Hope there are many more warm days ahead!!